you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
