They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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