sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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