i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
