he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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