It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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