we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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