Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
