There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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