I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
