no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
