I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
