i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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