I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
