I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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