One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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