Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
