The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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