If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
