Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
