Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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