Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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