She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
