so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
