yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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