So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
