I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You have to summon your inner elephant
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
