I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
