just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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