I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
