I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
