Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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