That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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