gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They have beer where we have blood.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
