And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
