just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
