im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
