she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
