absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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