All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
