can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
