Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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