You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
