my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
