Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
