Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
