I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Small penises have feelings too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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