I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
