shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
