If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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