Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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