just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
