woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
