I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
