I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize