Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
