why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
